Recently a story has been hitting the media that adolescence doesn't really end until 25, due to continuing neurological and emotional development. There has been the usual back and forth over if kids are being coddled or if we as a culture have too been hard, etc. Etc. Etc. I'm not qualified to make judgments in the area of neuroscience and my lack of parenting experience weakens the force of any opinions I'd make in that area. Instead I'll focus on something more relevant to my age group: what to do about growing up.
You want maturity? Seize it. It isn't going to come to you when your hormones get balanced, or you reach a largely arbitrary age, or even when you accumulate various external 'trappings'. In short, it is not going to fall into your lap, you have to be proactive. But proactive about what? We can all agree aim is important, but what are we shooting at? Is maturity the act of crossing one line, or is it something else?
Maturity is a direction more than it is a set number of specific criteria. I've never had a morning where I woke up and it all made sense. Also, no matter how wise you are now, if you're progressing as a person you will probably always have those moments where you look back on yourself and shake your head at what a fool you were. When I was 16 and in high school I cringed at some of the things I had done as a child. When I was 18 and a freshman I looked back on my high school years and shook my head. The 21 year old version of me thinks the 18 year old version of me was incredibly timid and foolish. And when I'm 25 I'm quite certain I'll look back on my college years as when for all my good efforts I didn't really have much sense (And I don't even want to know what 50 year old me is going to think). Of course, the fact that we're always maturing isn't a justification to simply wallow in self-absorption and 'finding yourself' on the grounds that we'll never really be mature anyway. We may all be on the same road, but some of us are a lot farther down it than others.
So if maturity is a direction, what's our direction? I believe there are four major areas in our lives that are what separate the men from the boys. They can all be boiled down to self-control, but that control expresses itself in different ways. In no particular order:
1) Emotional. Your emotions may be a part of you that doesn't necessarily answer to your logic, but that doesn't mean you need be ruled by them. Recognition of the fact that how you feel is something that can fluctuate by the minute and is not a firm foundaiton for anything is step one. Using an example from relationships, are you prepared to act out love when the feelings aren't there? Because, quite frankly, there are going to be plenty of times when they just AREN'T. Spouses, girlfriends, family members, anyone you care about is going to be in some way less than perfect towards you (just as you will be towards them) because human relationships involve humans. Are you prepared to stick it out when you've been misunderstood? Are you willing to invest when you might not get something out of it? Can you make your actions towards them consistent and not knee-jerk?
2) Spiritual. Are you actively seeking God, or simply going through the motions? Obviously, not everyone is called to be preachers or theologians, and there certainly are times when focus on more 'worldly' things is justified. But are you trying to progress and become wiser and act more righteously? It is very easy to 'mail it in' and go through the routine, and sometimes you will be more successful than others but you should still be trying to interact with God like an adult. Don't make your relationship a constant rehashing the same stuff you dealt with as a child. "Therefore let us leave the elementary doctrine of Christ and go on to maturity, not laying again a foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God," - Hebrews 6:1 (ESV)
3) Physical. Are you in control of your body? The obvious example here is lust. Most certainly we do not simply indulge our flesh in that area just because we 'want to', but that isn't the full story. There are also things like gluttony and sloth. Are you simply giving in to whatever urge your flesh throws your way, or can you discipline it? Sleeping around may be far more spiritually destructive than simply eating more cheeseburgers than you should and exercising less than you need to be healthy, but the problems all come from the same source. Is reason or craving controlling your actions? Don't let yourself be subjugated to something that is under the command of your mind and free will, to be seduced by your own irrational hungers is the lowest form of slavery.
4) Practical. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways - 1 Corinthians 13:11 (ESV). You can be the most emotionally stable, spiritually capable person on the inside, but if your external behavior is still childish you're just not 'there' yet. Can you interact with the world as an adult? Do you have the skills to do things like get a job, find your own place to live, and pay your own taxes? If you are incapable of independent function for no other reason than you choose not to learn how, you're not getting it. This example goes out to the guys reading this paper: if you found your dream girl, would you be in a position where marrying her is practically feasible? A wife is going to have legitimate basic expectations for spiritual, emotional, AND physical care. If you're not in a place where you can put food on the table, you might need to rethink what you do in regards to her. I'm not saying you have to seek to be fabulously wealthy, but are you at least doing what you can to ensure practical needs get met? Maturity is a spiritual process, but it is also a physical one.
Being an adult isn't going to come to you, you have to go out and get it.
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