A narrative, everybody has got one. Whether consciously or not, there is a story we tell about ourselves to ourselves. People, political parties, sports teams, universities, there is always some story we use to explain our existence and purpose. "Baylor is here to train people in a rigorous and Christian academic environment", "The Democratic Party is here to ensure an equal society", "The Republican Party is here to ensure a free society", "I am here to write these blog posts in the hope that somebody will find them helpful". And so on and so forth ( I find it interesting that out of all the ways I could refer to myself in this blog, I call myself a Pastor's Son). These narratives can be anywhere from honest to delusional, but they shape our decisions and perceptions regardless. We use them to focus our priorities and excuse our failings ("Sure, I drink some, but it doesn't really affect me because I'm above that"). In short, narrative is at the core of our interactions with reality.
Of course, the problem with all the narratives in the world is that some will invariably be mutually exclusive. If I say you're the villain and you say you're the hero, who's right? The idea that something can be both 'A' and 'Opposite of A' at the same time is ludicrous and flies in the face of logic, so only one of us can possibly be right and the other must be wrong. Or if I'm torn between two opinions of myself, how on earth can I know which one is accurate?
One of my favorite passages in the Bible is the story of Gideon, but perhaps not for the reasons you may think. Yes, it's inspiring to hear about 300 men defeating a gigantic invading army with nothing more than faith, but my love comes from a different source. In Judges 6:12 The Angel of The Lord goes out to meet Gideon and calls him a "mighty man of valor (ESV)". Do Gideon's circumstances justify this praise? Nope. The man is quite literally hiding in a hole just hoping the Midianites don't see him (6:11). Does Gideon hold this opinion of himself? Also no, he goes through a list detailing exactly why he's a nobody (6:15). His family is a bunch of nobodies and he's the lowest guy on the totem pole in his family. And how does God respond to these replies? "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man" (ESV 6:16). In short, Gideon's circumstances are irrelevant. Gideon's opinion of himself is irrelevant. The only voice that counts in this discussion is the voice of God.
Let me give you a more recent example. This spring I was struggling mightily with my self-worth. My academic performance had been sliding for the last couple semesters and I knew I needed to turn things around. But it seemed like my old habits and sin cycles had me in a death-grip. I was getting torn up on the inside as to whether I was just a lazy bum who didn't care or if I was somehow 'defective' and not able to really handle college in the first place. One night in late January I was just sitting on the floor of my dorm looking for any kind of way out of the hole I had dug myself into. And that's when God put Judges 6 and Ephesians 2:10 on my heart and told me "You are what I say you are, and I say that I made you to win. Your problems are nothing compared to Me, and these false, negative opinions of yourself don't count no matter how strongly you hold them. You are what I say you are." It was still many weeks before I was able to crawl, claw, or be carried out of that pit, but that moment was the turning point.
There is one narrative on this earth that matters and that is the narrative of God. All other opinions, all other crap will fade away. They say that history is written by the winners. Our God has already won and He has a meaningful place for each of us in the epic He is writing and has written. Exactly what that part is may or may not conform to our own opinions of 'greatness' (God taught me a while back that my ideas and His ideas about 'going big' aren't always the same), but I'd rather have a bit part in the one story that will last than be the star of a story that will only matter for an instant of eternity.
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