Dependability: The Supreme Virtue of Manhood

      The definition of what makes a man a man is anything but clear in today's culture. Is it simply possessing a y-chromosome and and a rather vulnerable body part in the pelvic region? Is it being super-ripped  and sleeping with as many women as you can get? Is it being sensitive and open enough to talk about your feelings? Is it making money and gaining power? Is it drinking beer A instead of beer B? I'm here to offer my observation on the single defining trait that separates the real men from the overgrown boys: Dependability.


      There isn't a one-size-fits-all 'look' for what a man is. I've met real men who were skinny and pale artists,  or ripped military butt-kickers, or completely average Joes with completely average jobs. They had a critical similarity, however: they were dependable. The Merriam-Webster Dictionary lists these synonyms for dependable: solid, steady, tried-and-true, responsible, trustworthy. A dependable man is a man is a man who can be counted on day in and day out regardless of circumstances. That might not sound as epic as blasting through a terrorist base camp blowing crap to Hell and back with a .50-caliber machine gun, but dependability requires a combination of several manly virtues all working in tandem:

1. Self-Sacrifice. Let's face it, the right thing is rarely the easy thing. A man can be counted on to finish the work he told his project team he would do and do it well. A boy will waste his time and give the group some second-rate garbage or just not do it at all (after all, there's always someone who cares enough about their grades to pick up the slack and you with it). To sacrifice you must have self-control, as the whole concept of 'sacrifice' is doing something unpleasant to gain something worthwhile. And self-control is critical to any moral understanding of manhood.
2.  Courage. “Self-control is the chief element in self-respect, and self-respect is the chief element in courage.” ―Thucydides, Greek Historian. It take courage to sacrifice. The old college student joke goes that "hard work might pay off later, but procrastination always pays off now". Like it or not, you are certainly giving up something you posses at the moment to possibly gain something later. It always takes guts to give up the certain for the uncertain, because what if what you get isn't as good? Also, integrity and honesty are critical parts of any man's character, but it takes courage to follow that path rather than just go with the flow. A dependable man has to be courageous enough to make those sacrifices. 
3. Wisdom. A dependable man has to have the foresight to see that it is ultimately in the best interest of himself and those he cares about to be dependable. If there were no consequences for any action then there would be no need to be dependable. However, the dependable man know that such is not the case and has the wisdom to always consider how his actions will affect the future. He knows it is better to stick with a wise course than to change his mind at every turn of fortune. Good common sense tells us that (Washington D.C. aside) the more prepared, better educated, more capable, and more alert men will rise to the top over the average schmucks who just do what's required to get by. You can't become 'The Guy' by just acting like a regular guy.

      These virtues all help each other. It takes courage to sacrifice, wisdom to be courageous, and sacrifice to gain wisdom. And when they all work together, the results can be incredible. Let's take a look at how dependability can affect just a few critical areas of any man's life:

1. Work: Stan is consistently on-time, helpful to the team, and can be trusted to see a job through to the end. Bob's performance is erratic to the point of making him little more than dead weight. Guess who gets to keep their job when the company hits a hard spot?
2. Family: Dylan's wife and kids trust him. He comes home at night sober. His behavior towards them is consistent no matter what his feelings are at the moment. He handles the family finances prudently. His wife knows he isn't looking for some trollop to play on the side. Jack's family can't trust him to do any of those things because his whims and emotions drive his decisions. Which family has the better chance of not turning into a toxic disaster area?
3. Social: Kenneth's friends know him as a trustworthy guy who will talk plainly to them, keep their confidence, and do what he said he would do. William's 'friends' would rather avoid him because he can't be trusted, but put on a plastic smile when they can't get away from him politely. They then bolt at the first opportunity.
4. Spiritual: James 1:8 states that a double-minded man cannot be blessed by God. That's not God being mean, that's a fact of life. Nobody in the sports world likes the bandwagon fan who switches allegiances willy-nilly. If you support the Rangers one week, then the Angels the next, then fans of neither team will want anything to do with you. You have to stick with things to get the real benefits. You can't flip-flop on people and expect the full benefits of their friendship, so why should you expect anything different from God?

      And that is why I find dependability to be the supremely manly virtue. Boys can have moments of maturity, but men are dependably mature.